Pleassssee

Monday, December 12, 2005 clivia 0 Comments

Can somebody play some parang??? SomeSignal Hill Alumni..."christmas coming yeah yeah yeah yeahhhh yeahhhhhhh "....

Im longing to hear bamboo bursting in the cool afternoons...When the days cleaning would finally slow down and the smell of lemon pledge and wood varnish would float out on the night air...

Im longing to smell fresh bread baking in the mornings...and see loaves of bread and sweetbread covered with towels and cooling on the counter. The days when pans of fruit sit soaking in rum....when the press for the pastels become the most prized possession and a day is dedicated to oiling it just right.... When the big decisions become...Olives or no...??

Im longing to walk into the market and smell the apples and grapes and pears on sale and KNOW...yes its Christmas in Trinidad... With vendors harassing you to buy their wares....when one just down the street would be selling the same thing...

I want to hear the box base and guitars playing in the neighbours house and know that soon it will be our turn to be the host.....When the rum in abundance in the cupboard will emerge...and the bucket of ice filled and the nuts and walnuts laid out....Its not Christmas without the cheese snacks for the kids...and the black cake for the adults.

OOOh that black cake....the recipes guarded like a honored possession...where sisters can tell the difference in who made the "batch" that were eating now....

I want to smell the ham baking in the oven...where children and adults alike keep turning the light on to peep at the skin...caramelizing in the oven...knowing that still there would be a wait while it cooled....but hoping that you were lucky enough to be around for the sample...

Can you remember the batter?? The left over goodness from the cakes?? who cared that the ingredients were raw?? The vanilla essence in that creamy batter was more than enough. Who can forget the smell of varnish and lemon pledge everywhere, the smell of fresh paint and linens brought out and left in the sun ....so that the very smell of them was island warmth.

This is the time of polishing silverware, or removing louvres, and cleaning cabinets. This was the time of lime on the cement outside the house, of polishing mahogany until you could see your face in it...Chores were aplenty...but it also meant opportunities to be good were too....

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Finally

Monday, December 12, 2005 clivia 0 Comments

soo...after a few subtle reminders that i have neglected my blog...im back...if only to voice that I am so not into the christmas spirit. I feel like a scrooge-infected grinch....sigh...The commercials are jus making me more and more cranky.....not even my favourite publix commercial with the salt and pepper shakers are kicking me out of this cranky ass mood.

Christmas...bah humbug

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Silence

Saturday, October 22, 2005 clivia 0 Comments

So....I'm so exhausted. Mentally. Every year its the same thing you know. Right after carnival...I'm just irritated no ass....short tempered, tired, cranky...sigh,.....someone who is sooo wrapped up in their own culture all year...jus completely
annoyed with it.

They say Trinis cant get along with each other beyond the length of a soca song.....sigh. Its funny. The very thing I love about my people....Is the thing I hate about my people...

Its like I almost want to adopt another culture jus for a few months...( till trinidad carnival) don't want to hear about the politics, and THE DRAMA...

So...I've taken to being silent.

Who say I could do that????

Nothing makes people more agitated and uncomfortable than silence though. Im not attacking you or anything...its nothing personal....Dammed...why the hell I just cant stay flippin silent for a minute...shit...it not Killing anybody....shoot...for all you know....I have
laryngitis or something and I cant speak...sigh...I not trying to be belligerent or difficult. Sister just needs to avoid the noise for a minute.

im being silent because.....i have nothing to say.

for weeks ive had to make decisions on things, and figure out how to do this and handle that. so if I choose to vegetate .....to not say anything, to completely non-react( is that a word?) please allow me.

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Carnival Snippets

Monday, October 17, 2005 clivia 0 Comments


So...these images not really mine...lol...i kinda borrow them from a website that i like and admire..( you see the props colin?)

Now any designer of costumes has a kinda image of what they want the masqueraders to look in them.....this is my favourite pic to date.




These were my last minute girls...lol..and if they think they going anywhere else after this THEY LIE!!!!..lol


We do this same picture every year...and every year i love it more!!!

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the promise to post...

Monday, October 17, 2005 clivia 0 Comments

sooo.....i've been going through sooo much drama with the carnival thing....that I haven't even had time to post ...but now that things are finally slowing down....i have a lot of things to ....well process....
so this is a promise to post..

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Flava girls Elation on the Road with GenX 2005

Friday, October 07, 2005 clivia 0 Comments


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Nostalgia

Sunday, September 25, 2005 clivia 0 Comments


Blast from the past....pics that were resurrected

I think this is China we playing mas with in Hialeah.
Trinis and a Jamaican, who insisted on buying new sneakers [blue] to match the outfit.
Did you hear Me ???
NEW....for THAT DAY!!!
after three wines, a roti, and 5 carib...she was barefoot with the sneakers hanging around her neck like a weird type of earrings??

Can you guess which one it is????

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Butch Chick

Thursday, September 22, 2005 clivia 0 Comments

QUOTE: "I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy."

I've been accused of being....super-independent, belligerent...even difficult...

It kinda makes me feel like I'm a butch chick, with hair growing out of my armpits wearing a muscle jacket, and picking my teeth with a knife...


I'm just complex and intelligent...and outspoken....simple as that... I know I'm not a physical threat to Anybody....wouldnt want to be..

I think people's perception of me is colored by my outward display. I think I present a smiley happy go lucky, easy going girl. Which is not to say that I'm not.

its just that...I too am capable of Evil.

My friends know this only too well. Inside me lurks a 7 foot 1 ninja, vindicator of all wrongs, a voodoo doctor and soothsayer. I can keep a secret, and a grudge forever....I put hexes on people daily...and then ask god to forgive me two seconds after...sigh.

I remember embarrassing my best friend and my sister at a blockbusters when I thought we were being treated unfairly. Now that I visualize the situation I can see the apparent humor in it. This coco-midget ( only I can call myself that) screaming at this male manager in front of a collection of mixed races in a line demanding service. They heard me mumbling at first.....then I got the rolling eyes from the sis. BF trying to tell me to calm down...and then finally...oh lord...She's gonna blow..... lol. and I did. Actually there's a block in Miami where I have gone off on almost every retail business for lack of service. People just don't know a thing about customer service anymore.

I'm usually the one yelling for other people too. very defensive of my people...even when they're wrong..

sigh...

Why submissive anyways? Why cant I be the "partner", the equal? I know my brain is far advanced than most men and women I know. I'm capable of independent thought and decisions...

I'm not going to be silent to create an image of accuracy for ANYBODY!

So that makes me bitchy and opinionated....hahahah!!

My dad always told me that I'd be stuck in his house till I was 50...cause I was difficult and cantankerous. I know I have a mouth on me. It's not my fault...Its part of the gene pool....but right is right...right?How can I sit and agree with something that makes no sense??? I'm not encouraging an argument...hell I hate conflict myself...(which is why on CSI when they're about to show the intense moment...my stomach hurts)

I can be submissive....I can...if I choose to be

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The Name

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 clivia 1 Comments

So...I answer the phone...and I get...Clivia? That's a strange name....Sigh...What does it mean?

Welll... I've learned from a long time ago...I will never see my name on a key chain in Disney, or a T-shirt....or a sticker. As a kid that was torment.....My sister's Renee and Giselle would come home from trips to "merica with all kinda paraphanelia with their names on it....but not me.!

Steups...the mother would have to pay extra to have them write it in. Bad enough...people always felt it was okay to correct it to O-livia...and I would have to go to extreme lengths to explain...no its not a typo..NO.. I know how to SPELL my own blasted name. No...its not CLEEVIA...how hard could it possibly be? Don't you know phonetics? Its Pronounced as its spelt (isn't it?).
Then I come to FIU and the Americans (forgive me) think its sounds like some damn STD...Its not CLAMYDIA....My mother didn't name me after some blasted vaginal infection.....(breathe)

Sigh...

Anywaysss.....My name is clivia....

It is actually a flower...named after the Duchess of Northumberland, Lady Charlotte Clive who first cultivated and flowered the type specimen in England. It's native to South Africa, and is sometimes called "kaffir (slang for black person in oppressed South Africa - sorry to those easily offendedlily".
For those who don't believe me....check it out your self

http://www.cliviasociety.org/

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Stress

Monday, September 19, 2005 clivia 0 Comments

Soo....I'm in charge of this ...well..... group right? And the person in charge is always the one that everybody asks the questions to. I get that. You look for direction...and make sure that what you think is in keeping with the vision that we want to produce...

But lord...... today I want to jus change my name to Shakuntala Ramlalsingh or Quexotpl....something hard to pronounce...maybe the psycho formerly knows as Maddas.....I don't want to hear it ...

Maybe its me...Full moon? I jus want everyone to function outside of me....hell... make some decision that I'm gonna hate but cant fix....so ill have to live with it anyways...

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sigh

Monday, September 19, 2005 clivia 0 Comments

So...after months of self analysis...I guess I've mustered up the courage to have a public online blog. I'm going to have to make a special effort to write in it....and write honestly.

Usually my writing is therapeutic...not necessarily informative...and now I cant cuss way di mudda so and so...who had the gall to challenge me today...sigh...



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The Carnival Posts or Darwin Sucks

Monday, September 05, 2005 clivia 0 Comments

So...I had a day where everything that could have gone wrong did. I'm under so many deadlines these past weeks.....and I seem to have a problem saying NO. Just those two words no. Sorry...But I can't...

I have 100 Costumes to finish in T minus 12 days...and every year I've tried to minimize the last minute mad dash to complete everything........and ..I've failed again...on top of that...all my other responsibilities....to myself, my house, my friends, my dog.....have gone completely to shit.

And, it only gets worse.

I plan my days to the nanosecond.....and its crap...I don't plan anything ...and the same thing happens...I make decisions I believe are based on the priority of the situation....and SOMETHING STILL happens to frig it all up.
TIME CHECK: 11:00 AM
So my vendor for my appliqué (that I ordered 3 weeks prior to make sure I would have it on time) calls me and says come pick it up. I'm ELATED (pardon the pun)... so I run over there on Saturday morning to pick it up. Mind you I hate downtown Miami...One, cause it’s always a mad dash for parking and it’s really congested...and Two I get distracted by all the frieking fabric and bead stores...

sigh... So I go the store which shall remain nameless for now...and I have 20 beautiful yards ....OF THE WRONG FRIEKING APPLIQUE!!! I'm beyond anger......I'm in tears of complete bewilderment and frustration and exhaustion....TEARS....over some flippin appliqué...

What's worse is that it takes 3 weeks from whereverinfakistan they have to have it made to send to me....CARNIVAL IS OCTOBER 9. What... I give my masqueraders a friggin IOU until after the event??? I have never wanted to just roll over and die like I did at that moment.
So after minutes of jus crying.....I mean BAWLING till snot running down my nose...and strange Hispanic Women are patting me on the back to say its okay in Spanish...he says...oh...Let me see what I can do....I have no choice but to leave. After a few minutes to compose myself...while I stand outside the store bent over doubled up in pain...I REFUSE to allow the entire day to be wasted. I go to my other supplier....

TIME CHECK: 1:30PM
I go to pick up my final order of design elements for the male costume....of which I was told there are 38 cartons in the warehouse....they open the box....and its SILVER!! ...which of course is gorgeous...BUT I CANT FRICKIN USE IT. Numb...I'm jus numb. I buy it anyways...and pray that gold metallic paint can fix it. I realize now that the birthday party for my friend D's son has started already..... an hour away from where I am.....and I have to skip it again...( and disappoint them and her and him...and me) because I have to stay in the area to make sure that my appliqué guy can give me a contact for a friekin shipping/exporter who might have the appliqué for me....sigh...

TIME CHECK: 1:45
I go to the bank to cash two checks (I should have learnt my lesson from last year. No checks...sigh but...) for deposits send for the costumes. Large amounts. I figure...Let me cash them and get everything else that I need. BOTH CHECKS...BOTH...come back NSF....Why is my car acting weird???

TIME CHECK: 3:30
No Phone Call yet. I go to Wal-Mart to pick up the pellam backing for the belts and arm bands....and the shorts for the males...THERE IS NOT ONE SHORT IN THE RIGHT COLOR! Not A One. I buy a Sobe adrenaline...and keep walking...I'm beyond tears...or embarrassment...because I know my hair is a wreck...and my eyes are bloodshot and blurry.

TIME CHECK: 4:00
Aren't the stores downtown closing already? No Phone Call yet. I call. He says....Ill have to call you on Monday. Despair. Complete Despair. I decide to keep pushing...cant even speak anymore... I go to Ultra Fabrics. University - From Downtown. Traffic. Annoyed. Get there...Highlight of my day. My accent appliqués is on Sale. Great googly Moogly....SOMETHING GOES FRIEKIN RIGHT!!! I get what I need....Lets head home and do some work.....Oh I need some gas...I drive off...My car shuts down......2 steps shy of the pump...not because of gas...Its the battery. I'm Stranded stranded....

TIME CHECK: 6:00PM
I finally gets to the mas camp. After babying the car...which shuts off on its own every 5 miles leaving me stranded in the traffic...hazards ON praying some one will NOT hit me.....all the way up the highway...much to the annoyance of the other mall shopping happy friekin motorist...I offload the purchases and get inside. Thank God its cool...

TIME CHECK: 7:00 PM
SO....I find out that my Roadside Assistance cannot get my car for another 3 hours due to some glitch in their system....But I think...its good time... I can do some work while I wait. Two more girls come over....we get some work done....I’m starting to relax...Phone rings...ohh...International. It must be my mommy. YAY! It is...I get ready to vent...and she tells me ...my swimsuits are complete... They’ll be shipped next week. Point TWO for Good news.

TIME CHECK: 9:00PM
No tow truck. No call saying they’re coming. NO call back from the Insurance Company. I haven't walked the dog. I really want a shower...my nails are covered in glue...and the Chinese food that I ordered for lunch is sitting on my chest.

TIME CHECK: 10:00PM.
My friend's BF lends her his car....so she can follow my car....for as long as it takes...to get my car to my house...And it takes 45 mins...in between the driving and the waiting for it to drive again...
TIME CHECK: 10:45 PM.
Finally. Home. I walk the dog. I call my friend to say I'm sorry I cant go that birthday party tonight. I realize again...that I'm disappointing a friend...two actually. I’m denying myself some relaxing time...I'm exhausted, I have to do laundry, I have no Appliqué and I have to do it all again tomorrow... I cry myself to sleep..


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